Another off day wasted

The time now is 10.50 pm. As I am writing this, I'm still hoping I got a final phone call, hoping that one of them will call me. All i got to answer is just a simple, "YES".

I practically wasted my off day today. Apart from a new haircut, the only useful thing I've done today is nothing. I've tried not to be engulfed in a emotion breakdown but god, this is a bitter pill to swallow.

Why cant i just be the one sitting and resting at home,and when my phone rings, i just say yes and off i go for some drinking session.

Why can't I be THAT fucking person.

Why I have to be the one that makes the most meticulous planning and most phone calls hoping for a yes from every person I've called.

Why I have to be THAT fucking person.

Why...

Tired

I'm too tired that I've completely forgotten that I have a blog to run

I am too tired to be the one making the initial phone calls

I am too tired to be the one drafting out plans on where to go, what to do and when to do it

I am too tired to be the one who always accommodate everyone else

I am too tired to be myself

I'm simply too tired.